just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
