We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
