when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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