I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
