Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
