Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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