I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
