I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I currently don't understand fingers.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
