He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
