yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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