Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
