my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
