grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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