I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
