If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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