I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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