How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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