why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
