Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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