I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
