I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize