There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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