Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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