I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
