People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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