I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
