So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
