i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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