I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
as a side note pls kill me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
