I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
