i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
