They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
