ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
