If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
