Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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