when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
