I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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