His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
