fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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