Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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