He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
