'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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