I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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