The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
