come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
