God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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