Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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