a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
