sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
