there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
