And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
