yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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