I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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