I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
