The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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