physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
