If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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