Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
