went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
