Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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