Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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