You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
