so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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