You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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