I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
