only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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