So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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