went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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