I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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