so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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