I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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