Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
