Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
