The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
