i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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