I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
