There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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