remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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