I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
