It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All I want is dick and wine.
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