apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
