The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
