I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
