what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
