Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
