Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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