i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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