i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
