Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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