He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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